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Jessica Brody

The Chaos of Standing Still

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  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    I close my eyes.

    I clutch the piece of paper to my chest.

    And I whisper into the sky, “Always.”
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    Wanna hear something crazy?
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    Los Angeles and San Francisco
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    Apparently, I’m an open book.

    I just couldn’t read the pages.

    Until now.

    Until the guilt melts away with the snow.
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    For the first time in as long as I can remember, I know that the universe, in its vast, unpredictable, chaotic wisdom, is watching out for me.
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    Kissing Xander is like waking up the right way. The natural way.

    With the sun.

    With light.

    It breaks through with slow determination. It eases you out of the darkness gradually. It rouses you with warmth, reminding you that the day is new, and living is good, and anything can happen.
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    What if life is unpredictable?

    What if people leave for no reason?

    What if losing is just another part of living?

    What if the universe can’t be controlled?

    What if chaos is good?

    What if some questions can never be answered?

    What if that’s okay?

    I think that’s okay.
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    I was the planet to her sun. I lit up because I was near her. I spent so many years trying to catch a fragment of her light that I failed to realize I could shine on my own.

    And Lottie. She needed someone to orbit around her.
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    But what’s my identity now? It’s a question that’s been banging on the door of my subconscious for an entire year. And yet I still can’t answer it.

    Or perhaps I’ve just been too terrified to answer it.

    Terrified that an answer might actually exist. That the answer might actually make sense. That I might actually be someone without her.
  • b9444846097har citeratför 2 år sedan
    No agony.

    It’s just quiet sadness.

    Sadness that I’ll carry around for the rest of my life.

    Sadness that I’ll eventually learn to live with.

    Sadness that will become a part of me. Shape me. Make me stronger.

    Because if I can live through this, I can live through anything.
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