Models – A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Women

In the past three years I’ve had women thank me for having a one night stand with them; women tell me that our week together meant more to them than their entire four-year relationship with their exboyfriend; women ask me to take their virginity because I was the first guy they had ever met who they trusted enough to do it. I have beautiful women from all over the world that I keep in touch with years later and share wonderful memories with -- some of whom I spent less than 48 hours with.
Vulnerability is the path of true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person. As Psychologist Robert Glover says: "Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges." Show your rough edges. Stop trying to be perfect. Expose yourself and share yourself without inhibition. Take the rejections and lumps and move on because you’re a bigger and stronger man. And when you find a woman who loves who you are (and you will), revel in her affection.
But opening oneself up to vulnerability, training oneself to become comfortable with your emotions, with your faults, and with expressing oneself without inhibitions doesn’t happen overnight. This entire book is kind of a how-to guide for vulnerability disguised as a seduction manual. But it’s a process, and at times is a grueling one.

A rich man doesn’t need to tell people he’s rich. A confident man doesn’t need to tell people he’s confident. And a guy who "doesn’t give a fuck" doesn’t need to go around telling people he "doesn’t give a fuck."

Again, if you’re only trying to get girls to impress other guys, then you’re not in a very good place, and you’re very needy. To undo this, you must come to terms with why you’re seeking attention and approval from other men -- maybe it goes as far back as your father -- and then seek to find that approval through other means. Join a sports team. Take your co-workers out for beers. Buy season tickets to the local basketball team. There are much healthier ways to get male camaraderie than to try and impress other guys by getting girls.

Guys used to ask me, "What should I work on, my inner game or my outer game?" My answer was always "both." You can’t isolate the two. Developing your inner game or confidence requires testing yourself in social situations. Developing your social skills and overcoming your fears builds confidence.

Friction and Projection

I’d like to finish up the chapter discussing a couple exceptions when it comes to being vulnerable and nonneedy around women. I know at the beginning of the book I made the promise that being less invested in any particular woman is invested in you will make her perceive you to be attractive.

Well, that’s true, but just because she perceives you as an attractive man, doesn’t mean she’ll immediately want to jump into bed with you.

There are two main exceptions that prevent attracted women from wanting to be with you, and they come up often: friction and projection.

Friction is when a woman finds you to be an attractive man but there are external circumstances that prevent her from acting on that attraction or being interested in you.

For instance, let’s say you’re a rock star who spends his nights getting drunk and banging groupies and she’s a born again Christian and has sworn off all sex before marriage. That mismatch in personal values is going to disrupt any attraction there may be and is a genuine piece of friction that is going to prevent anything from happening.

The most common case is the girlfriend/wife. This happens all the time. You meet a woman, you two really click, she’s laughing at all your jokes, smiles when you smile.

But she’s married.

And not only is she married, but she makes a point to cut the flirting off. She’s into you. She likes you. But she values her marriage more than her attraction to you. And there’s nothing you can do about that.

Men who are not needy establish strict boundaries because they value their own time and happiness more than receiving the attention from a woman.

When it comes to making yourself more vulnerable and making yourself less needy, the first step is to often begin establishing your own boundaries. Learn how to say "no" to people, particularly women. Start having opinions on what you like and don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and won’t tolerate. Be honest with yourself. Painfully honest. And then be honest with her.

The problem with forming strong boundaries is that to form them, you have to be particularly aware of your own desires and emotions. And many men who have been needy their entire lives are not very selfaware.

It’s important to look at the reasons why you’re needy around women and have an honest discussion with yourself about it to try and resolve it.

For instance, perhaps you’re needy around women because you’re a virgin and have no experience with them. Then you need to look at how being inexperienced is causing you to undervalue yourself and seek validation. You must become comfortable with the idea of being inexperienced and be comfortable admitting that insecurity if you wish to gain a lot of experience.

Or perhaps your ex-girlfriend left you for another guy and you’re very angry. You go out with a fervor that borders on revenge, a revenge against all women for the betrayal and hurt you’ve felt. Before you can undo the anger that is causing you to be needy, you need to come to terms with why you’re angry and accept why your girlfriend left you.

If a woman makes fun of a nonneedy man’s friends, he will not hesitate to tell her that he thinks she’s being a bitch. If a woman says she needs to leave a date after 30 minutes, he will not try to trick her into staying or beg her to stay, he will not yell at her or lecture her on manners. He will smile and say, "Nice knowing you," and not call her again.

When in doubt, check your intentions. If a woman asks to bring a friend on a date, he will say no. He will not agree placidly, or complain to her that what she’s doing is ruining his plans. He’ll simply say no and leave it at that. If she threatens to not come out, then he’ll say, "OK," and go find another woman.

Typically it has to do with something like the following:

"She really liked me and gave me her number. She responds to my texts, but when I tried to get her out on a date, she made excuses. So then I texted her some more and she said she wanted to see me, but when she did show up for the second date, she was late and said she had to go early. She didn’t kiss me. Now I’m texting her and she’s texting back but won’t agree to go on a third date. What do I do?"

Usually guys like this are obsessive about "the games women play" or how to deal with "tests" from women.

My answer to these men are always the same: if you make it clear from the beginning that you are unwilling to put up with games, then not only will the women you attract stop playing games, but you’ll stop attracting women who do.

In the example above, my plan of action? I would have told her flat out that if she wasn’t excited to be on a date with me, then I’d rather her save us both the time and not show up.

neediness is relative. That’s why I say it’s about being less invested than women instead of not invested in women. It’s an important difference.

It’s impossible to be not invested. But it is always possible to be less invested than she is. That’s all it takes. She can be the most invested person on the planet in what others think of her, and if you’re the second most invested person on the planet, she’ll be attracted to you. But not vice-versa.

Setting Boundaries

But delivering honesty unconditionally isn’t just about compliments and appreciation. Unconditional honesty can be brutal and scathing at times as well. And strangely enough, brutal and angry honesty can turn a woman on just as much as the most genuine compliment.

Again, it’s not about what’s being said, it’s about the intention and subcommunication behind it. When you’re willing to cut a woman off and tell her when she’s out of line, when you’re willing to tell a woman what you will and will not tolerate in your life, this subcommunicates the most powerful elements of attraction to her. Far more powerful than an entertaining story or game.

This is why it’s quite possible to piss a woman off and turn her on at the same time. Any man experienced with women has had this happen to him before.

It’s about drawing boundaries.

If a beautiful woman says something that a needy man finds offensive, he’ll ignore it, change the topic, or withhold his true feelings.

A nonneedy man will tell her what she just said was offensive.

A man who is vulnerable is unafraid to draw boundaries about what he’s willing to accept and not willing to accept from the people around him.

Here’s the litmus test. Look at your actions and words around women and look at the intentions behind them. These intentions are always speaking ten times louder than your actual words. What are they saying?

If you bought a girl a drink so that she wouldn’t leave to talk to someone else, what does that intention say about you? It says you were needy and behaving in a manner that was not attractive.

If you told a girl a story in order to impress her and make her like you, what does that intention say about you? It says you were needy and behaving in a manner that was not attractive.

If you invited a woman to a restaurant in order to impress her with how much money you had, what does that intention say about you? It says you were needy and behaving in a manner that was not attractive.

A man who feels like he needs to buy or steal a woman’s attention or affection through entertainment, money or superficiality is a man who is not confident in his identity and who is not genuinely attractive.