Feedback That Works

A person’s choice of words often can be the least important component of behavior. Nevertheless, capturing the specific language a person uses during a specific situation can help you give effective feedback

Tone of voice and speaking manner relates to the pitch of a person’s voice, the speed and volume at which the person speaks, and the pauses used when speaking. (Broadcasters, especially sportscasters and news anchors, are masters of this.) Voice mannerisms can be hard to notice and describe for the purpose of giving effective feedback, but can be useful behavioral cues.

Body language is nonverbal communication and can include facial expressions, eye movement, body posture, and hand gestures

Behaviors are actions that people take. In contrast, the above list includes adjectives that describe the person—not the person’s actions

If giving feedback is uncomfortable to you, or if you sometimes speak before thinking, you might use sarcasm as a substitute for feedback. But saying “good afternoon” to a colleague who is ten minutes late for a morning meeting doesn’t tell that person how that behavior affected you or provide reasons to change that behavior

Telling someone her job is in jeopardy (“Do you want to be successful in this organization?”) doesn’t reinforce good behavior or illustrate bad behavior. It only creates animosity

skill of giving meaningful and effective feedback is an important component to helping other people develop and to getting the job done. Creating and delivering a specific message based on observed performance is key to effective feedback. Your feedback should enable the receiver to walk away understanding exactly what he or she did and what impact it had on you. When the result is this specific and this direct, there is a better chance that the person getting the feedback will be motivated to begin, continue, or stop behaviors that affect performance.

When the result is this specific and this direct, there is a better chance that the person getting the feedback will be motivated to begin, continue, or stop behaviors that affect performance.

The final step in giving effective feedback is to relay the impact that the other person’s behavior had on you. The impact you want to communicate is not how you think a person’s behavior might affect the organization, co-workers, a program, clients, a product, or any other third party. The impact you want to focus on and communicate is your reaction to a behavior. There are two directions you can take when sharing the impact of a person’s behavior.
1. You can evaluate or make a judgment about the person’s behavior: “I thought you showed interest when you asked for the group’s opinions.” This tactic is the most common, but it is also the less effective of the two because the person getting the feedback can argue with your interpretation of the behavior.
2. You can acknowledge the emotional effect the person’s behavior had on you. “When you told me in the meeting that my concerns about product deadlines were ‘overblown,’ I felt belittled.” This approach can be more effective than the first because it truly is your reaction to someone’s behavior, a reaction that only you experience. The person hearing your feedback can’t easily dismiss your personal experience, and so is more likely to hear what you’ve said.
By communicating the personal impact a behavior has had on you, you are sharing a point of view and asking the other person to view that behavior from your perspective. That kind of sharing helps to build trust, which in turn can lead to even more effective feedback as communication is improved. If you have difficulty finding the right word to describe the impact a behavior has had on you, take a look at the Words with Impact list for help.
To develop your effectiveness in carrying out the impact stage of giving feedback, practice putting your feedback in the form of “When you did (behavior), I felt (impact)” or “When you said (behavior), I was (impact).”

Points of Delivery
• When you approach someone to offer feedback, use a phrase such as “May I share an observation with you?” This open approach, in which you ask permission, can ease anxiety and sets the scene for a conversation, not a confrontation.
• To create more openness around the notion of feedback, ask for permission to give feedback, say something positive, ask if the person understands what behavior you’re talking about, then stop talking and walk away. This positive approach can ease the fear many people have when they hear the word “feedback.”
• Acknowledge the uneasiness or discomfort you may feel when giving a person feedback. Say something like “As I’m telling you this, I’m aware of how uncomfortable I am.” A simple acknowledgment honors your experience and can minimize the perceived threat of the feedback experience from the receiver’s perspective.
Explain