Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

accepting people different to themselves

‘Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too’

CUSTOMER: Do you have security cameras in here?

BOOKSELLER: Yes.

CUSTOMER: Oh. (customer slides a book out from inside his jacket and places it back on the shelf)

CUSTOMER: OK, so you want this book?

THEIR DAUGHTER: Yes!

CUSTOMER: Peter Pan?

THEIR DAUGHTER: Yes, please. Because he can fly.

CUSTOMER: Yes, he can – he’s very good at flying.

THEIR DAUGHTER: Why can’t I fly, daddy?

CUSTOMER: Because of evolution, sweetheart.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books on the dark arts?

BOOKSELLER: . . . No.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any idea where I could find some?

BOOKSELLER: Why don’t you try Knockturn Aley?

CUSTOMER: Where’s that?

BOOKSELLER: Oh, the centre of London.

BOOKSELLER: OK, so with postage that brings your total to £13.05. One second and I’l get the card machine.

CUSTOMER: No. No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me £12.99. I wil not pay for anything that starts with thirteen.

You’re trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it, or I wil go to a bookshop which doesn’t want me to fal down a hole and die.

OK?

PERSON: Hi, I’m looking for a Mr. Patrick.

BOOKSELLER: No one of that name works here, sorry.

PERSON: But does he live here?

BOOKSELLER: . . . No one lives here; we’re a bookshop.

PERSON: Are you sure?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a copy of Atonement? But not the film cover, please. Keira Knightley’s neck makes me want to punch things.

Yes, it was awful

Put it this way,